VIDEO OF THE TIMES: Trick or Treat!

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A Halloween Tale: Forsaken

Here I am at the top to the hill alone and howling at the moon while the hooded clouds disappear like wraiths from lord of the rings giving ways to the new crescent moon. The wind blows searching for merciful release from the clutches of the dark sky. At the edge of my vision, I could see shadows of birches dancing to the mournful cry of the wind, which reminds me of the poem of Robert Frost. I am lying peacefully on my back with my arms stretched out staring at the sky, quietly except for the sorrowful howling wind. I smiled as I turn my head to see my hands clutching the dull cold green grass as I pulled it out from the ground. Suddenly, I feel the pain erupted from my neck. There I see a face as pale as ivory smiling against the blackness of the night. Twin orbs of deepest sapphire staring at me with partly opened lips dark red as a Burgundy wine. Long blond hair like silk of corn frame her face. Her naked form as white as the new moon in the midnight sky straddling me and smiling. I felt her breasts brush against my bare chest. She closes her eyes and bites her lower lip and she moans. Sharp glistening fangs emerge from her lips speckled with my blood. In the darkest, deepest recesses of my mind, something screams. Yet, it is drowned as waves of ecstasy washes over me. The pure horror of pain and wonder draw pleasure to my loins as she moves. She arches her back and digs her sharp fingernails into my chest drawing my warm blood as it flow into the ground, I releases and burst into her my waves of pain and ecstasy. A silent cry of anguish and pleasure escapes my lips. And she cries out into the hallowed moon shattering the stillness of night, a cry of pure ecstasy from drawing my blood fulfill her own darkest desires. I buckle and she rides me like Seabiscuit and in nightmarish speed she plunges those fangs again deep into my neck draining all my strength away. She disappears like a speed of light. The clouds descend with disappointment and try to touch my face in terror. Unimaginable horror surfaces and I groan and scream. The angry moon appears and poised like a sharp knife and then it plunges to my heart. And then the midnight sky released a sweet merciful cry of anguish. Further away, I see trees outlined in lighter gray against the horizon. I remain lying on the soft grass. In the stillness of the night, I smiled for I was enchanted by the dark. And now, I know I would never see a sunrise or sunset ever again.

Franken Food

Today, most of the food available in supermarkets has been genetically engineered. It is estimated at about 70 percent of corn and soy sold the grocery stores in United States and Canada are Genetically Modified. Scientist can impart desired genetic characteristics by splicing genetic segments of one species into the genes of another. This genetic intrusion could never occur in naturally. The odds are great that we consumed these food everyday without knowing. With no long-term studies conducted as to the effects on safety and the impact on our environments, we are the guinea pigs! The controversy continues.

Writings from a Journal

Inside of Me

Lost and confused inside from the nothingness of me
Hollow and alone and down on my face asking for forgiveness
Screaming from all the wounds and praying on my knees
Begging for strength and waiting for God’s grace

Let me take back my life
Release me from this empty space
I cannot hold any longer this inside strife
Take away this poison lace

Sometimes it does not make any sense at all
I’m helpless in this darkness quest
I let my self get lost inside when it calls
To numb away the pain in my chest

I want to stand up and take the blame
And move forward to make a change
For years and years I want to end this game
Somehow I’m stuck because of my shame

I want to break away, I want to feel, I want to heal
But paralyzed of the unknown
Afraid by the pain of the ordeal
For I know I am alone

I hated what I took that became part of me inside
Clinging to me like stars in the sky
And in my thought and in my soul it glides
For I will take it until I die

(Madrid, Spain)

VIDEO OF THE TIMES: Mi Amor!

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Deconstructing You

Sometimes, I pause and drift away and just start thinking and soon enough I begin to believe that I am far more complicated, unique and weird than I am actually are and I take an inordinate solace in thinking that there are people who actually understand and appreciate my complexity and uniqueness in character.

Since the very beginning we always been told, in fact countless times, that each of us is a unique individual and seemingly, it’s a satisfactory resolution to our very own doubts and insecurities about ourselves. We are bombarded with images of commercialism from the day we are born and instilling expectations of who we are and what we are going to be, even when we are still inside the womb. For generation and generation we undergo this process dedicated on figuring out how to fit in by standing out. Most of the time we find it difficult and sometimes we wonder if this is just a dream, figuring out our own uniqueness and not merely a substitute for living a real life. The good and bad things about this tale is the fact that sometime in our lives, we must accept and support our uniqueness, no matter how strange, awkward or weird that quality may be. Maybe, it is in our strength that we do not flinch away from this aspect of our personalities. But somehow we turn bizarre behavior into the stuff of adorable idiosyncrasy and create this character without compromising our identity, as a complex and sometimes unlikable person. We often fantasize and dream of being confident, comfortable and fearless but somehow we cannot bring this to happen in real life. Soon enough we quickly discover that the most difficult obstacle we face are those we create… ourselves! This is more often to be the case in real life. We sometimes create identity contradictory to our own true emotions to elevate ourselves. Often adding different dimensions that sometimes we may not even understand but we recognized it as our own.

The amount of my creativity and obliviousness to my surroundings sometime render my reality somewhat a dream but often a nightmare. While making my real world painfully real but most often times I overcompensate it in my dream world which most of it are born out of half-truths, hopes and a realized worst fears. This connection sometime operates on a childlike level of simplicity and complicity and I often misrepresented as misunderstood geniuses. Meanwhile, my elusive true self keep wandering around, still looking inside hoping that people accept my complexity, weirdness and uniqueness.

Writings from a Journal

Circumstantial Consequences

Crawl inside my head
And I will tell you the secrets that I know
Look into my eyes before I disappear
So you could see infinity becoming unclear

I ran and hide and tell myself
Everything here inside is out of control
I am on the edge of the earth
And falling into oblivion
Trying to escape from the night of despair

Welcome to my universe
The changing sky
Is falling apart
I could no longer find my voice
Lost forever in this great divide

This is another place in another time
Where the night is searching for a sign
I’m looking for a new religion
Violent surge took away the friends I’ve known
Carried down and flush away by my fear and pain
There’s nothing left for me to mourn except myself

Can you hear me still
Are you listening
I’m in my head, spinning
Entangled under the burning sun
Of circumstantial consequences

VIDEO OF THE TIMES: The Lighter Side of War

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Screaming From A Distance

All I hear now is a distant scream
that haunts the midnight sky
Empty streets are filled with
cries from a cold confinement
Blood stained road leads to the
dark side of man

The last hope of cinder’s dies
as the air is filled with the stench of death
What left are Doubts and lies
and the world is still silent

12:20pm - 09/22/06 (Los Angeles, Ca)

The only thing necessary for the triump of evil... is for good men to do nothing

Diamonds Are Forever

Diamonds are forever. But human lives and limbs are not! Blood diamonds or conflict diamonds. Do you know where your diamonds come from? Do you know the destructive role of some of these diamonds played in countries like Angola and Sierra Leone? Some of these illicit blood diamonds fund and prolong the conflicts in Liberia, the Democratic of Congo, in Angola and Sierra Leone, it is even accused of funding international terrorism. Our fascination and infatuation with this tiny carbon base stone lies within our human nature. It is a dream of countless people to own this valuable piece of Earth. It supposed to symbolize eternal love and wealth. But some of these diamonds, lives and limbs was the prize so that it could get into our hands. Next time you buy a diamond, think about the social, political and economic influence it will have to the rest of the world. Make sure it did not come from the conflict regions of Africa and it pass the Kimberly Process of Certification. But this process of certification is even questionable.

Obsession - Radical Islam war against the west!

Trailer:

Writings from a Journal

In Limbo

Broken, bruised and beaten to the ground
helpless and screaming inside
welted and frayed from the agony
of my childhood inner fears

Silently weeping and no one can hear
while my inner demons dancing by the moonlight
I howl at the moon before the clouds passes-by
to cover my only hope of light

Crawling out from the depth of hell
only to realized to roam in eternal limbo

(late summer, somewhere in Europe. Too fucked-up, took a wrong ticket, wrong train and end up in a different city while friends waitng in Madrid, Spain)

The Children Are Our Future!

Children on the other side of the world


Some Children in America?

Choose Life!

Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life.
- John Hodge


RejectionNow, here I am begging for protection
for I do my own inflection
not a day will pass without injection
in this world filled with rejection
for people who is not into perfection

The world spin to its own oblivion
glass, crystal and ice
inhale without provocation
with the devil’s decision
everything is in motion.
(Toledo, Spain)

VIDEO OF THE TIMES: My Cubicle

In Memory of 9/11

Compilation of video and pictures with no political agenda other than to remind people.

Life Less Than Ordinary - explores the profound effects of alcohol, drugs and boredom

Somehow we’re all trapped and stuck for being that we are. We often times fight to change ourselves but ultimately all the effort has little effect. We could change what we do but we cannot change who we are. You struggle year after year but getting nowhere and wonder if anything will ever change and the unavoidable answer to this reality is that, life sucks. But we can’t give up just yet. We keep struggling to solve our problems, our dilemmas but somehow the forces that created me random or otherwise has already spoken and determines that my life sucks!

I don’t know how common this is but somehow I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. I am psychologically fucked up but maybe given the right drugs and therapy it will change in a major ways. I could feel good, relaxed, comfortable and I can feel happiness, excitement and I can experience my life as a great meaningful adventure. I can feel that all my troubles have been washed away. Like any other well-balanced person! Who am I kidding!

I tried gorging on as many drugs as I can possibly put into my system with the thought that it will ease the pain but of course not to the point that you could OD. When you find the drug you like, doing it occasionally won’t be enough. You want to do it everyday, you want it all the time. But in the end, this also unleashed a whole host of problems and next thing you know your life is fucked up in every way imaginable. You got your original problem plus you are an alcoholic or a drug addict! Life’s little ironies; the only thing that makes you feel good is also the thing that will destroy your mind and body. You do it long enough, your life!

I think most of the mood altering drugs available are just masking the symptoms for some these disorders. Tranquilizer for anxiety, antidepressants for depressive disorders and so on. Because the reality is no one truely understand the human psyche.

Meet Your Meat

Drowning

I am drowning
I cannot breath anymore
From the pain so deep
Tormenting my soul.
Since the day I open my eyes
in the world so cold and dark.
Chain to my sorrow,
In anguish I remain forever.

Forsaking by angels in heaven
Alone, lamenting in the valley of death
Waiting for redemption
That will never come.

Here in the edge of hell
I mourn and cry
Till my tears turn to dust.
For I will be walking restlessly
on this plain till the end of time.

1:51pm 08/31/06 – Los Angeles, CA.

Warning: Graphic Images

Violent acts toward animals have long been recognized as indicators of a dangerous psychopathy that does not confine itself to animals. Anyone who has accustomed himself to regard the life of any living creature as worthless is in danger of arriving also at the idea of worthless human lives.