The Chronicles of Nood: Life

I'm at odds with everything and always have been! I have never belonged anywhere with anyone at anytime!

Why can’t I be like one of those happy people? Somehow life’s challenges don’t affect them. Blissfully free of life’s problem. I know some of these happy people. I like to be one of them but somehow I’m just different. No matter how hard I tried. I tried to change myself but ultimately this has little effect. I struggle with this void emotion year after year and I’m getting nowhere and wonder if this will ever change. I surrender to the idea that we can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are. Maybe, these people don’t know that life sucks! I don’t know how common this is. The main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. I have a very, very few people out there who I care about or care about me, but that’s it. Worse yet, this is a long-term pattern with me. It’s been going on for enough years that it’s safe for me say that it’s quite possible that this is going to be forever… ‘til the day I die! It even reached to a point that I’m beginning get jealous or envy those cult members. Those deluded fuckers have at least a sense of purpose, of belonging, some kind of sense of devotion for their beloved leader that they are even willing to sacrifice their lives. Is there any way to have meaning and purpose in life when you are so disconnected from everyone and from everything? I don’t think so!

Writings From A Journal

A Midnight Walk

Wandering forever in this waking dream
Beneath the hazy midnight sky
All alone and no one came so still and quiet
Until I scream and howl at the moon
Trying to wake every creatures of the night in slumber
On one hear No one came
So I silently wept in darkness
I roamed and roamed until I found
The stone that marks a grave
I read my name and it drove me insane
Never thought I left this Earth
I want to awake from this strangest dream
But I’m lock down six feet deep
For I will forever sleep
So I closed my eyes with tears
And say goodbye

 

The Chronicles Of Nood: Twisted to the Sublime

(From The Twisted to the Sublime of my Psyche)

Looking Through the Necessary Illusion of Existence.

It should have not come to me as a surprise that my preoccupation and concern to define life’s purpose, or the need to find a higher meaning of existence as a whole, is not a cultural manifestations of our modern times but an innate primodial need to answer’s life mystery. Now, there are highly sophisticated approaches of solving these philosophical questions or problems. We have been pursuing for many centuries among the post-literate civilizations of the world. What is uniquely modern in the true sense of the word is the average person’s have a rather easy access through new technologies to not only the vast archives of the knowledge of the past, but also to the exponentially advancing currents in science and discovery.

The process of demystification still baffled the human mind for generations. Also, much that intrigued the mind, inspired, awe, and appealed to human aesthetic senses, is losing ground, or so it seems. We now find scientific, and quite a lot of materials, explanations for many of the mysteries of nature, as well as our own cognitive faculties that perceive, interpret, and react to, our very own observations and encounters. We know how art and physics go hand in hand to bring about sensations of pleasure and pain in our psyche. We know what chemical reactions within our system are responsible for the emotions of rage, hatred, depression, anxiety, and joy etc. We have discovered centers within the brain that, when stimulated or damaged by disease or accident, trigger spirituality, contemplative self-reflection, or, perhaps, dispassionate objectivity, even total abandonment.

It is not too difficult to see that joy, beauty, tragedy and ugliness do not have a separate, independent existence apart from the human cognitive faculties. What creates beauty, for instance, is the reaction of the human brain to a certain stimulus, as dictated by the brain’s circuitry or hardware, programmed by its genetic codes that gave it the propensity to be revamped by and respond to certain environmental influences.

What is my point to this? Actually, NOTHING! But given the opportunity, man’s natural curiosity inevitably leads to the unraveling of mysteries of nature, and given the option, the pleasure of knowledge and understanding of the machinery of existence exceeds the innocent delight in the fantasies that somehow we can solve the meaning or the purpose of our own existence. But I know, I will never have the answer. Maybe, you will.

It is not Who we are inside, but it is in What We Do that truly Defines Us.