The Chronicles of Nood: Life
I'm at odds with everything and always have been! I have never belonged anywhere with anyone at anytime!
Why can’t I be like one of those happy people? Somehow life’s challenges don’t affect them. Blissfully free of life’s problem. I know some of these happy people. I like to be one of them but somehow I’m just different. No matter how hard I tried. I tried to change myself but ultimately this has little effect. I struggle with this void emotion year after year and I’m getting nowhere and wonder if this will ever change. I surrender to the idea that we can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are. Maybe, these people don’t know that life sucks! I don’t know how common this is. The main problem is that I feel disconnected from everyone and everything. I have a very, very few people out there who I care about or care about me, but that’s it. Worse yet, this is a long-term pattern with me. It’s been going on for enough years that it’s safe for me say that it’s quite possible that this is going to be forever… ‘til the day I die! It even reached to a point that I’m beginning get jealous or envy those cult members. Those deluded fuckers have at least a sense of purpose, of belonging, some kind of sense of devotion for their beloved leader that they are even willing to sacrifice their lives. Is there any way to have meaning and purpose in life when you are so disconnected from everyone and from everything? I don’t think so!
1 comment:
I can relate to your sense of disconnection, and I believe there are more of us than you think, and our numbers are increasing, and the increase is most likely accelerating. The world isolates now.
If you have one friend, you're fine. As I age, my circle of friends has shrunk--people marry wrong for my liking, or we have the final disagreement, or they die. Always diminishing, and the ones who leave don't get replaced after 40. That's just how it is, and I've learned it and now accept it.
There will always be the Ronald Reagan types who cruise through in a happy fog, but for me, the unexamined life isn't worth living. But my perceiving more pain than most doesn't preclude my having a sense of purpose; quite the contrary. I see plenty of opportunity to have a meaningful existence, although as of yet, I haven't found it. But I won't despair.
Instead, I've decided I'll wake up and see if today's the day I figure it all out, rather than deciding all is lost when my bare foot hits the cold floor for the first time.
You didn't ask for advice, but the adult way of slogging through in the face of adversity is a good philosophy when you're feeling stuck in the void.
Just by showing up and looking for the proverbial pony in all the shit, you might stumble into a dream job, a dream date, a dream lottery ticket, a dream future, or, if the stars align, a dream outlook.
Don't discount the possibility that tomorrow might kick today's ass. Good luck!
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